May 25
At times I am taken by surprise by a view that is so striking in it’s simplicity, it leaves a lasting impression, not only for it’s beauty, but for its’ intrinsic value and how it affects me on a deeper level.
The aftermath of a painful experience with other’s can leave us numb from words that stab and wound, and can sometimes take us days to over come. The degrading remarks can haunt us for months. We try to escape and shake it off to no avail. We seek answers. We seek refuge.
A particularly excruciatingly, painful, occurrence with a couple, whom I had befriended, me left me reeling and bereft of trusting anyone. They were penniless, and I invited them into my home to help them get back on their feet. In the end they defrauded and betrayed me. I was at a total loss trying to understand why my friendship had incited them to rob me of everything I owned.
Nothing made sense to me. I simply could not understand what happened to me, much less why. The pain was searing and debilitating. I felt as if my heart and soul had been penetrated by searing, hot, arrows.
I wandered aimlessly, not knowing where I was going. All I knew is that I had to find a place where I could be at peace for a few moments to begin to sort things out. As I rounded a curve, out of the corner of my eye, the spot that would momentarily stop my flow of tears, and ease my pain was before me.
As I rested upon the warm earth in search of solace, the sparse stand of trees on a gently sloping hill, evoked the loneliness and isolation I knew I was about to face. Betrayed, bankrupt, broke; I was facing a financial and emotional abyss.
As darkness gathered the setting sun gently whispered soft, pink, hues into the fading blue sky. Cloaked by nature I took what little comfort I could summon and prepared for the worst. The worst really was to come, but also the most valuable lessons I could have ever acquired.
In the face of such disaster I learned that I needed to set aside my pride and fierce independence and accept help from my REAL friends. To accept help was extremely emotionally difficult. Having been taught to give and not receive, I was humbled by my friends’ generosity and I learned the true meaning of gratitude. I discovered that in my inability to accept what was being offered I was denying my self-worth. I was also able to distance myself from people in a very emotionally, debilitating manner. I never knew what intimacy and friendship was all about until I learned how to receive.
You know who you are. You gave me shelter, food, encouragement, guidance, strength, a job, when I had nothing to give in return. I realized how hard I had worked all my life to gather possessions, when in the end, possessions are just meaningless do-dads that are unimportant compared to what my friends gave me. My treasury of friends mean the world to me.
I am grateful for that extraordinarily, difficult, lesson. I became part of the human race. Still, I can’t help but question, how people can be so intentionally cruel, when we are surrounded by so much beauty? How much is enough?
* “Isn’t it a pity, now isn’t it a shame? That not too many people can see we’re all the same? And because of all the tears, our eyes can’t hope to see, the beauty that surrounds us, now isn’t it a pity?”
* George Harrison
Back Road Less Traveled 